Advice (5)


I Know How You Feel…

I know how you feel.

 

Being a busy parent is tough.

 

Your time is limited.

 

It’s rare that you get to relax and kick your feet up.

 

Sometimes you think about all the freedom you used to have.  (It’s okay, don’t feel guilty about it).

 

Sometimes your energy is on ‘E’, but you can’t stop, you need to be the parent and partner that you committed to being.

 

And that’s why it’s more important than ever to manage your energy, to create more energy so you can be the best you to those that need you.

 

Get your weekly workouts in, manage your sleep (you need at least 7 hours per night), do a short, daily meditation or walk, drink you water, nourish your body with good food.

 

Yes, it’s tough, but you got this.  I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

Put your energy first and foremost and it’ll be A O K:)

 

Think differently- Kyle Newell

 

P.S-Whenever you’re ready here are 3 more ways we can help you transform your life, lose weight and gain bundles of energy (and possibly win $10,000!):

 

1- Check out this podcast I did on Resistance (any time you are trying to improve your life, you will face this!)

http://unlockingyourinnerstrength.libsyn.com/uyis001-resistance-is-a-bitch

2-     Perhaps you’d just like to increase your mental game.  In that case, you can check out our Time Mastery Manual (the information in here will create ‘new’ time for you and give you the ultimate freedom in life) http://kylenewell.com/time

 

  1. Our annual, 6-week Fat Shredder contest. If you are ready to shred for the summer and want a simple, no-gimmicks approach. A program in which you just have to show up, 3 times per week and have all the accountability that you would ever need and then some, simply send and email to devon@newellstrength.com with the subject: ‘shredder’.



Letters to Brax and Colt: The Process is the Destination

  • July 11, 2018
  • Advice

 

There was a book written a number of years ago called the Obstacle is the Way.

 

The premise of the book is in line with my beliefs about how one should navigate towards a better life.

 

You can have anything in life that you want if you are willing to put in the work.

 

Yet, putting in the work is tedious and most people are playing life with wish bones rather than back bones.

 

Ask yourself this question: what the purpose of any goal?

 

I’ll tell you.

 

The purpose of any goal is to increase your level of happiness.

 

If the goal or final destination is making you less happy, get off of that path.

 

When I first started competing in bodybuilding I made the mistake of thinking it was about the actual contest day.  Well, let me take that back.

 

The first time I competed in 2004 I had no expectations.  I decided it was something I wanted to experience and bodybuilding had become a great passion of mine, so it was an innocent pursuit.

 

Then, the unexpected happened, I took 2nd place against a very good competitor but I also beat out a number of other competitors in a very large group.

 

As soon as I had time to digest the experience, I decided that I had to compete again and that I was going to win.  This entire mindset shift took something that invigorated me and sucked the joy right out of it.

 

The next year, I focused on winning and I put all my eggs into the proverbial basket of having to win the show or else it was a failure.

 

I did worse, much worse the second time around and sank into a depression for months after the show.

 

All of the sudden the process was discarded for the end goal.  It took me some more years to realize that it was the process of getting ready for these shows that was lit my soul on fire rather than having to win and placing my self-image in the hands of the judges.

 

The actual destination, in this case, the contest date, was nothing more than a day to celebrate, a ceremony of the path that I had now followed.

 

Competing with this approach, I grew and growth is happiness.

 

I wasn’t a very good bodybuilder, but I learned a heck of a lot from competing, the main thing being to focus on the process.

 

The process is having the daily discipline to do what need to be done and to do what you said you were going to do.  For example, if you train and follow your diet strategy with the proper principles, you will get to where you are supposed to be.

 

A goal is nothing more than a guidepost to set you on the proper path.

 

Most people focus on the end goal and then enthusiasm wears off and they never see the finish line.

 

What they don’t realize is that life is a game that can’t be won, so there is no finish line. Once you realize that there is no finish line, then you realize there is no rush.

 

Sometimes, too much enthusiasm will come across as a franctic energy that cannot be sustained.  Endurance, therefore, is how you stay on the path.  And this ties into so much of what we’ve been talking about in these pages.

 

A disciplined mind and a commitment to focus will allow endurance to prevail.

 

Don’t compare your journey to anyone else’s because it’s irrelevant.  Comparison is the thief of happiness.

 

And remember, you can never be off your path, it’s all your path.




Turns Out Abe Lincoln Was Right

Turns Out Abe Lincoln Was Right

No one on the face of the earth, in the history of earth, has escaped a battle with their own demons.

 

If a real transformation occurs from the inside to the outer world, then it only makes sense that our biggest battles are fought on the inside as well.  Not on the outside against some grim rival or cantankerous enemy.

 

In 2008, I was out in So Cal for an extended period of time.  I had planned out going out to internship with the University of California-Irvine Anteaters (yes that’s their real school mascot).

 

If I hadn’t made my vision clear to those around me, the opportunity to house sit in beautiful Laguna Niguel wouldn’t have found me.  The universe works in mysterious ways like that, but I don’t want to get too far off track here.

 

I was just coming off a bodybuilding show, dating a girl that had broken up with me and then came crawling back and had just finished my second year of teaching.  I was offered the head strength coaching job at Bridgewater Raritan Regional High School, which I turned down because it wasn’t in alignment with my vision at that point.

 

Anyhow, I was getting those vibes from this chick again that something was off.  And to make it worse, I was getting those vibes that day before I was leaving for a month.

 

Sure enough, on day 1 out in So Cal, I got the phone call that she was ending it.

 

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

 

She had fooled me twice.  The signs were there.  But they were there with all the other 8 or so relationships I had been in prior to that as well, yet I ignored them.

 

So, alone in a foreign land, I fell into a deep funk.  I only had 1 or 2 books with me because I had decided that I didn’t have to be a voracious reader that summer, another big mistake.

 

And the only reason that sticks out in my mind is because the first thing I tried to turn to to help me were my books, only to realize that I only had 2 measly books in my bag.

 

I do recall one of those books was Brian Tracy’s ‘Goals’.

 

I tried to force myself to read it, but I was sinking into freeze mode fast.   Reading a page or two was a bear.

 

But I stuck with it for that week.  I would get up late, mope around, make a late breakfast (this was pre-intermittent fasting) and ride my bike 4 miles down to the beach.

 

The sun-light helped a little.

 

However, something I read in that book finally ‘clicked’ with me that made me realize I was in a pattern in my life of seeking out the wrong type of partner.  It was at that moment that I realized that until I recognized the pattern fully, that I would continue to repeat it.

 

Different face, same pattern, over and over.

 

What was that pattern?  I would date girls that I found physically attractive, yet they all seemed to have family issues and all seemed to be coming off of relationships.  And the blow of death from all of them seemed to go something like this: ‘You are the nicest guy I’ve ever met.  But you are too nice for someone like me’.

 

And each time, I would play the ‘what-if’ game with myself.  What if this, what if that?…Each time I felt as if I had to change my inner-being to be more a ‘bad-boy’ finally find happiness.

 

Well, there are two mistakes there: 1) No one nor no thing can bring you happiness.  Happiness is an internal game and 2) You cannot and should not change your BEING for someone else.

 

It was on that beach, sitting on the grassy knoll with a cliff on each side that I ‘got it’.  I literally started talking to myself, saying, ‘I love who I am as a person.  I really do.  I am a great person and I am done trying to change for anyone.  F-that.’  And I kept repeating it.

 

Then I took out the only blank notebook I had and wrote like a mad man.  I wrote out my thoughts and I wrote out what I knew in my heart at that moment would be the perfect match for me in terms of a partner.

 

I made up my mind that I could be as happy as I wanted to be.

 

This was pre-Mind Map days for little old me, so I wasn’t armed with the knowledge to know what was happening inside my head, but I knew it felt right.

 

Lucky for you, I am going to break it down here for you so that you too can see that you can make up your mind to be as happy as you want it to be.

 

A little Mind Map science here…

 

The brain is hard-wired for the negative.  It is hell bent on survival, first and foremost.  It is also the superior pattern-recognition machine.

 

This means that it craves order in the form of prediction-response, prediction-response and so on.  If it is not in this state, then it is in a state of reaction.  And when in a state of reaction, we are usually not in a state of happiness.

 

Now the two animal brains, the reptile and the mammal, have certain needs.  They are in line with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs: physical needs (food and sex), connection, experience, relationships, etc.

 

Those two older parts of the brain literally have to be happy before we can move forward with our human brain, otherwise they will keep taking over until their needs are met or there is clarity within them.

 

Really, it’s the mammalian brain.  This is the region of the brain where connection and bonding occurs via a structure known as the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC for short).  If something is off in the mammal brain, we can usually rest assured that there is a relational issue and many times it’s connected to judgment and/or your environments.

 

Why those two things?

 

Well, the animal brains perceive things differently than the newer, human brain does. The most stressful time of the day for the human body is in the morning upon waking.

 

Going from an unconscious environment to a conscious environment; sleeping to waking.  This the reason that the main stress hormone, cortisol, spikes upon waking.  The hormones duty is to alert us to our environments, form predictions quickly so that we can form responses.

 

Now, most of the times, we are waking up in safe beds, and we don’t have to perform a mental inventory of our physical environment.  But, the brain is very, very sensitive to your environments and this means that most of the time it’s the people within your environments, be it at home, at work or in social settings.

 

Judgment is also critical to the older brains.  If I took you back thousands, hundreds of thousands or even millions of years, when humans traveled in packs and tribes, the kiss of death for you would have been judgment, negative of course, from the tribe.  Why?

 

Because if you were judged, you were moved to the outside of the pack, where the predators roam.  And if you really were judged, you were kicked out of the group and your chance for survival plummeted (this judgment is piece is the real reason that most people are so petrified of public speaking).

 

Without going too deep into the brain, I want you to realize that just having this knowledge can be enough to course correct for happiness.  Recognizing whom or what is causing the issue (don’t worry about fixing it yet) is usually enough to take a big step towards happiness.

 

Until we see the pattern, like I did back at the old So Cal beach, we will be in reaction mode, which remember a few paragraphs back, reaction usually means a lack of a state of happiness.

 

Ok, this is the BIG takeaway I want to get across.  Your thoughts drive your emotional state, not the other way around.

 

Yet, we have been led to believe that we can’t control our thoughts, so we get emotional and we let those drive our thoughts.  The problem with that is that the emotional centers of the brain the logical, human parts are like functional opposites.

 

When emotions are high, logic goes out the window.  When we are overly analytical and in our ‘engineers’ brain, then emotions are diminished.  When we are in a funk, we need to know that our thoughts are driving it but because of the emotional state we are in, the thoughts will be blown out of proportion, they wouldn’t make sense to our rational self if we were able to observe from the outside.

 

Ever wonder how things could be so bad for someone to commit suicide?  Well, now you know.  They’ve been digging a hole of deep, dark emotions for some time before they reach that point.

 

The brain will always answer any question you ask of it.  So, when in a funk, ask, ‘What’s great about this problem?’  You will come up with an answer that can move you forward.

 

Think clearly, take a breath and then you will realize that old Abe was right when he said, ‘We are about as happy as we make our minds up to be.’

 

Click Here to to Listen to a Closed Door Nutrition Workshop I did for the Local Police




The Path Is Immediate

The Path Is Immediate

When I was 17 years old, I wanted to be the best strength coach in the world.

I didn’t even really know what that meant because I had no one to set the bar against.

All I knew was that I was consumed with this idea of being the best.  Looking back on it, it was being the best that I could become.

It was reaching my full potential.  Am I there yet?  Nope, not even close.

However, I far surpassed my ‘movies of the mind’ from way back when.

You never really know where you are going to wind up.  Most people never even sniff their best self because they are unwilling to see how far they can actually go in life.

The path, your path, is immediate.  You are on it right now.  You can see the next step or even maybe the next couple of steps.

But the path is going to wind and zig-zag and go up and down.  Most people try to see the end from their current position.

You cannot see the end from where you are right now.  All that projecting does is increase your level of anxiety and makes you feel like a loser.

If you are feeling the great anxiety gap, just know that it is caused by trying to focus on the end of the path (which doesn’t really exist, it just keeps going) rather than your current and next steps.

Success is yours for the taking.  So what if it means you gotta show up and do the work every day.  So what if it means that you didn’t see anything after one day of doing visualization exercises.

The time is going to go by anyway.  You and you alone are in charge of your destiny.  If you don’t think so, it’s because you’ve bought into the lie of ‘out there’.

I will be teaching some really cool stuff that will help you activate regions of the brain that you didn’t even knew existed and fusing that with some serious mental work to make 2017 your best year ever.  This one is going to be a bit different, so there’s only room for 6 people.  You can find more info and sign up here, if you dare to be great in 2017: http://kylenewell.com/december

Be weird – Kyle Newell

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It’s Not What You Comprehend, It’s What You Retain


It’s Not What You Comprehend, It’s What You Retain

I am going to let you in on a little secret of mine.

But you have to promise not to tell anyone!

Ok, here it is:  when I learn something valuable, I teach it and implement it immediately, like that same day-immediately.

That’s it?

Yup, that’s it.  So many people go to seminars and learn and get all jazzed up but never take the shrink wrap off of their ideas.  They never implement.

Just last week, a friend and mentor of sorts of mine, Roy G Biv, was giving me some nifty pointers and advice.  I made sure I took action that very night on the two things he had taught me.

If I had waited, they would have become just some other cool ideas that never saw the light of day.

Every time I learn a new Mind Map technique or style of writing or exercise, I teach them or put them to use in the very next session.

Teaching is the greatest learning tool we have.  Teaching is how you implement.

Teaching will cement ideas into your nervous system in ways that mere comprehension never can and never will.

Comprehension is what everyone does.  No one retains much these days.  Be different, start retaining the lessons you are learning in life.

In December’s Mind Map workshop, I am going to be teaching YOU some very cool things that you will implement the very same night to understand your brain more and to unleash some hidden powers within that you never knew you had.  You can register for one of the 6 spots here: http://kylenewell.com/december

Think differently – Kyle Newell

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